The ordinary dry cleaner's mantra: We are not responsible

Welcome to Alibi Fine Drycleaning & Shirt Laundry, Anytown’s finest cleaner, where we are not responsible for anything.

• We are not responsible for garments with unusual combinations of fabrics
• We are not responsible for garments with unusual textures
• We are not responsible for garments with trims and embellishments
• We are not responsible for buttons that might get scratched, chipped, broken or lost
• We are not responsible for buttons that get loose
• We are not responsible for buckles and other hardware that get scratched, chipped, broken or lost
• We are not responsible for zippers that break or don’t slide
• We are not responsible for elastic that stretches or disintegrates
• We are not responsible for garments with inaccurate or incomplete care labels
• We are not responsible for debris or personal effects left in your pockets
• We are not responsible for gluing or heat sealing bar codes onto all your garments
• We are not responsible for removing the bar codes that we glue or heat seal onto all your garments
• We are not responsible for removing or minimizing the intensity of any spots and stains.
• We are not responsible for using aggressive, dye-stripping dry cleaning solvents
• We are not responsible for using cheap dry cleaning detergents or for not using any detergents at all
• We are not responsible for misclassifying your garments by color or fragility
• We are not responsible for cleaning your garments in dirty dry cleaning solvents or fluids.
• We are not responsible for turning your white garments grey, yellow or dingy
• We are not responsible for colors that fade or dull
• We are not responsible for dyes that bleed
• We are not responsible for garments that smell of “dry cleaning solvent”
• We are not responsible for garments that feel stiff and scratchy
• We are not responsible for garments that are returned with a fragrance or perfume smell
• We are not responsible for machine pressing your garments
• We are not responsible for garments that exhibit shine, flap or button impressions, or wrinkled seams and linings
• We are not responsible for rippled collars on coats, sport coats and jackets
• We are not responsible for lapels that are improperly pressed
• We are not responsible for garments that are returned with creased sleeves
• We are not responsible for knits that shrink, stretch or otherwise change dimension
• We are not responsible for laundering your shirts in hot (even boiling) water
• We are not responsible for using harsh, caustic, industrial grade laundry detergents and bleaches
• We are not responsible for starching your shirts with cheap synthetic glues
• We are not responsible for replacing missing or bent collar stays
• We are not responsible for replacing missing or cracked buttons.
• We are not responsible for shirt collar stay impressions from our machine pressing
• We are not responsible for machine folding shirts that require folding
• We are not responsible for open seams and loose hems
• We are not responsible for missing or loose snaps, hooks and eyes
• We are not responsible for wrinkling your garments when cramming multiple garments into a single, narrow poly bag

We could go on and on. But we won’t. You get the drift.

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If you’re looking for a responsible cleaner, consult a true quality cleaner.